The first

Well, here I am... I'm not sure why I registered this blog as I already have my space on MSN and am quite happy with it. I guess my writing urge has been stimulated by some things happened today and I feel I need a place where I'm not known by anyone to speak out and get released.

Life is supposed to be hard, isn't it? Can we make it easier or we have to make it hard? Do you believe there are things in the world that remain unchanged forever, or things have to be changed sooner or later as it's just the way it is?

Well, you might get confused now, so do I. Actually I'm talking about my family - my parents, brother and sister-in-law. I'm the yongest in the family, consequently I got many cares at family since I was born as the yongest is supposed to be looked after and my parents and brother are very nice people. Well, it seems a nice thing to be looked after. I thought so too until I have a boyfriend who they don't like and left home. Maybe because I was always looked after, they assumed my own decision should be made by them too. I know I should respect their advice as they're my parents which I actually did, but I didn't follow their advice though. I always think if I can't make decision of my own life, I don't live in my life any more, or it's not my life any more, even I still can live. I left home two years ago to pursuit my love and settled in another country ever since. On the night before I left, my family had a serious talk with me. They said they're disappointed I didn't take their advice and they're sorry they can't stop me from jumping into danger (they believed that the life with my boyfriend would defenitely be a torture and disaster for me and they described it as a danger in life). They also said if anything goes wrong, I can always come home. No wishes, no bless. However, I apprecaited as they would accept me in the worst situation which I assumed not every parents would say.

Then I left. I was believing that people don't have to live in the same city before you're able to keep in touch, particurlarly given countless communication ways available to use these days. Actually I still believe that, but with a condition that efforts have to be made from both sides. My parents never call since I left.

They don't admit they're mad, but they also have lost interest in knowing what is going on in my life. Maybe because I'm too far away. Maybe because I broke their heart by leaving them. When I came home during my voccation last year with my boyfriend, I felt we were like two outsiders of the family. Everything has changed.

Since I left my home town, I keep close contact with nearly each of my friends there. We chat on MSN, we email, we call... It makes me feel so comfortable that sometimes I even feel like I never left them. Sometimes they told me that I know about them even more than their other friends who live in the same city with them. But it seems it will never possibly happen between me and my family.