Since last week, my boyfriend and I have started helping for translations of the website of the magazine my brother ownes. I translate from Chinese to English and he edits my translation to good English. When I read his final work, I know more closely that there's a long way to go in my English writing and understand better that why he gave me his honest opinion as "bad English, bad writing" regarding a few blogs I wrote in English in the past. I appreciated his honesty, however these few words were hurt at the time he said to me. I gave up trying ever since and now I'm even more reluctant. It's one thing I feel sorry for myself that have been studying English for twenty years, I still can't write well.
English is a beautiful accurate language, which you don't realize until you read more. When you read something good, it makes you think, gives you strength and show you directions when you're lost, like a navigation in boundless ocean or a light in dark. In the meantime, a well written article amazes you with the words the writers use and the way they elaborate through which you see things clear no matter how complicated they were and writers' thoughts behind. Just as I have been touched many times by the power of Chinese in the past, reading English sometimes enlightens my thoughts and pleases my mind, like meeting a good friend when you don't expect.
Language is always beautiful, I think, regardless of its origin.
First posted at 26 September 2005
11.9.06
8.9.06
A Group of Friends
Last week I was busy with rental property searching for my friend. I finally received the call from real estate agent yesterday to confirm the lease. Now I feel better.
Speaking of this group of my friends, there are always some nice things to remember them by. Jane was from MC program and we have known each other for about 5 or 6 years. But in the first two years when we were studying in Beijing at this program, I rarely talked to her. She seemed to me very quiet and has few things in common with me. Additionally, she always sat in the very front at lectures, which means we didn't have good chance to sit together as my theory when I was a student was to keep enough distance with lecturers as big as possible.
Not surprisingly, I hardly saw her as my friend until one day when I found out she was also transfering from Beijing to Sydney within the program and we took on the same plane flying to Sydney at our very first time. When we got in Sydney, we didn't know many people around. It might be more accurate to say that I was stuck with her for some reasons in the beginning than I was willing to. However since I started knowing her, I was always surprised by. The more I knew her, the more I realized that what a nice person she is and how many things in common between us are indeed. In the first few months in Sydney, just as everyone else who left home first time for a country they've never been to, we were excited and scared at the same time, excited about all new things associated with a new country and our new feelings, but scared of uncertainties in future. We didn't get along all the time during years, but we become friends now, the friend who will be there when you feel down, will encourage you when you're not sure, will laugh with you when you're happy and will understand you when you're not understood by others.
Ran is a friend at my age, but maybe because of some quality she carries or she looks to carry, she was always like a team leader. I followed her 'leadership' to host a party or organized a trip and didn't feel anything unusual. One day someone reconed me to host a dumpling party. Based on my entry-level cooking skill at that time and the lack of confidence on other gals when I looked around, I complete had no idea what I was going to do for the party. While I was worrying, I saw Ran's confident face, then I immediately felt relieved. "There's no need for me to worry if Ran is here." I told myself. Then we made plan, invited guests to come and assigned the tasks to everyone. On the day of party, everything went on good and surpringly some girls were very good dumpling makers which I didn't notice before. We had a big team of people for making dumplings but I couldn't find Ran anywhere. In the end right before we finished cooking, Ran came to the table from like nowhere and spent 20 minutes trying to make one dumpling. Making dumplings seemed hard to her, but wasn't hard enough to stop her from making hard-working pose in pictures. It turned out that this one single dumpling was her whole contribution for the day. After party, we were talking. I said, "I can't believe you don't know how to make dumplings. Why you didn't tell me before?" She looked so innoccent and said, "I never said I know." Then I suddenly realized she's right. If there's anyone I should blame to for little tiny disorganization during the party, that would be me who assumed from her confident looking that she must be an expect of dumplings and everything will be good if we have her. This is just Ran. Don't be fooled by her lookings can be a tip for you if you get chance to know her.
There are other friends in this group, each of whom has specific details that I always miss when they're not around. I was so lucky to have these freinds and they have brought my life more colors. Life has ups and downs as usual, but the unusual thing is that a special friendship makes down time less bitter.
First posted at 13 September 2005
Speaking of this group of my friends, there are always some nice things to remember them by. Jane was from MC program and we have known each other for about 5 or 6 years. But in the first two years when we were studying in Beijing at this program, I rarely talked to her. She seemed to me very quiet and has few things in common with me. Additionally, she always sat in the very front at lectures, which means we didn't have good chance to sit together as my theory when I was a student was to keep enough distance with lecturers as big as possible.
Not surprisingly, I hardly saw her as my friend until one day when I found out she was also transfering from Beijing to Sydney within the program and we took on the same plane flying to Sydney at our very first time. When we got in Sydney, we didn't know many people around. It might be more accurate to say that I was stuck with her for some reasons in the beginning than I was willing to. However since I started knowing her, I was always surprised by. The more I knew her, the more I realized that what a nice person she is and how many things in common between us are indeed. In the first few months in Sydney, just as everyone else who left home first time for a country they've never been to, we were excited and scared at the same time, excited about all new things associated with a new country and our new feelings, but scared of uncertainties in future. We didn't get along all the time during years, but we become friends now, the friend who will be there when you feel down, will encourage you when you're not sure, will laugh with you when you're happy and will understand you when you're not understood by others.
Ran is a friend at my age, but maybe because of some quality she carries or she looks to carry, she was always like a team leader. I followed her 'leadership' to host a party or organized a trip and didn't feel anything unusual. One day someone reconed me to host a dumpling party. Based on my entry-level cooking skill at that time and the lack of confidence on other gals when I looked around, I complete had no idea what I was going to do for the party. While I was worrying, I saw Ran's confident face, then I immediately felt relieved. "There's no need for me to worry if Ran is here." I told myself. Then we made plan, invited guests to come and assigned the tasks to everyone. On the day of party, everything went on good and surpringly some girls were very good dumpling makers which I didn't notice before. We had a big team of people for making dumplings but I couldn't find Ran anywhere. In the end right before we finished cooking, Ran came to the table from like nowhere and spent 20 minutes trying to make one dumpling. Making dumplings seemed hard to her, but wasn't hard enough to stop her from making hard-working pose in pictures. It turned out that this one single dumpling was her whole contribution for the day. After party, we were talking. I said, "I can't believe you don't know how to make dumplings. Why you didn't tell me before?" She looked so innoccent and said, "I never said I know." Then I suddenly realized she's right. If there's anyone I should blame to for little tiny disorganization during the party, that would be me who assumed from her confident looking that she must be an expect of dumplings and everything will be good if we have her. This is just Ran. Don't be fooled by her lookings can be a tip for you if you get chance to know her.
There are other friends in this group, each of whom has specific details that I always miss when they're not around. I was so lucky to have these freinds and they have brought my life more colors. Life has ups and downs as usual, but the unusual thing is that a special friendship makes down time less bitter.
First posted at 13 September 2005
7.9.06
Ocean
I went to a freind's Space today and found a blog talking about writing at home when you're alone. You put a nice music on and set yourself in a world of your own. You think, you act, you honest face yourself and enjoy some quiet simple relaxing time without interruption. When I read this, I was suddenly grabbed by some old faded feelings that I had when I stayed in my room, listened music and wrote about my mood. Then I realised it was far in the past and that feeling has even been strange to me now. Then I realised more that I miss it a little.
I think it might be normal that you always want something you don't have. When you're single, you want relationship, but when you're in a relationship, sometimes you miss that smaller world of yourself in where you do what you think, then you will be simply happy.
I had a fight with boyfriend yesterday and left home after. I needed to get out that place for a while where has driven me nuts, then I went to beach. I like going to beach and watching ocean at night. The beauty of ocean that is more obvious when sun is shinning delivers a different concept in dark, the concept of mystery maybe. It's the darkness that in turn provides you a room for imagination. In the dark, it is the piles of white waves that seperate ocean and sky. Looking at waves, one after another, just like life, repeating the same content day after day. Listening waves, the sounds when they hit rocks are always different, sometimes soft, sometimes tough, just like the different mood we have when we go though every single day.
Sometimes, I like doing this, sitting on the bench, smelling the ocean, watching the waves dacing on rocks, listening the roaring water and tasting my good or bad mood at that particular moment. If I suddenly look up, I might be able to see a plane flying cross the sky with star-like lights flashing, then my thought would go on the plane and wonder how many lonely hearts on there are going home. If I feel frustrating and lost in life, I would ask myself in front of ocean that should I have a big heart that is the same big as the ocean to comprehend everything?
First posted at 28 September 2005
I think it might be normal that you always want something you don't have. When you're single, you want relationship, but when you're in a relationship, sometimes you miss that smaller world of yourself in where you do what you think, then you will be simply happy.
I had a fight with boyfriend yesterday and left home after. I needed to get out that place for a while where has driven me nuts, then I went to beach. I like going to beach and watching ocean at night. The beauty of ocean that is more obvious when sun is shinning delivers a different concept in dark, the concept of mystery maybe. It's the darkness that in turn provides you a room for imagination. In the dark, it is the piles of white waves that seperate ocean and sky. Looking at waves, one after another, just like life, repeating the same content day after day. Listening waves, the sounds when they hit rocks are always different, sometimes soft, sometimes tough, just like the different mood we have when we go though every single day.
Sometimes, I like doing this, sitting on the bench, smelling the ocean, watching the waves dacing on rocks, listening the roaring water and tasting my good or bad mood at that particular moment. If I suddenly look up, I might be able to see a plane flying cross the sky with star-like lights flashing, then my thought would go on the plane and wonder how many lonely hearts on there are going home. If I feel frustrating and lost in life, I would ask myself in front of ocean that should I have a big heart that is the same big as the ocean to comprehend everything?
First posted at 28 September 2005
6.9.06
Home
My bedroom at home in Beijing has been occupied. I found out when I called Mum a few days ago. She said, "Oh, by the way, one of your cousins, your Dad's cousin's brother's blah blah's daughter, came to Beijing to study her Master degree. We invited her to stay in our home and now she lives in your room..." Mum's this 'by-the-way' really surprised me. I certainly didn't see this coming and didn't know what to say. The memories of my old room have immediately found their all ways back to my head. I liked my room and always like it. It's the room where I was always sitting on my bed and writing my dairy on laptop with the nice soft yellow lights spreading from the head of bed to every corner of the room; it's the room where I liked lying on the lounge at balcony on a sunny Saturday morning and reading an interesting novel; it's the room where allowed me to be drunk after parties and provided me a place to deal with my hangover on the next day; it's the room that is filled with certain memories with certain people, certain feelings at certain stage of life; it's the room that had me when I was happy, lonely, sad, excited, crying, laughing... and shared all these emotions with me. On the phone, my Mum was still talking, but I couldn't listen. The only thing I could hear was good-bye I was saying in my heart to my favorite room.
I know I might have overreacted. I know it's meaningless to keep my room when I'm only around a few days every year. I know it might be a good thing to have someone at home to give my parents some company when I can't. I know all these stuff, but... I also know that I was a little sad whatsoever.
Home. I don't know since when this word has become a weird word to me and frustrating at the same time. Where is my home? Sydney, the place I'm building my life with the man I love with all my heart, or Beijing, the place I was born and raised in a warm and nice family which has nothing but love?
Some questions don't have to be answered I think. Maybe it's my fate that I always miss something wherever I am. Since I can't do anything about it, I'd better to move on and live with it. So I'm ok, and will be better.
First posted at 11 August 2005
I know I might have overreacted. I know it's meaningless to keep my room when I'm only around a few days every year. I know it might be a good thing to have someone at home to give my parents some company when I can't. I know all these stuff, but... I also know that I was a little sad whatsoever.
Home. I don't know since when this word has become a weird word to me and frustrating at the same time. Where is my home? Sydney, the place I'm building my life with the man I love with all my heart, or Beijing, the place I was born and raised in a warm and nice family which has nothing but love?
Some questions don't have to be answered I think. Maybe it's my fate that I always miss something wherever I am. Since I can't do anything about it, I'd better to move on and live with it. So I'm ok, and will be better.
First posted at 11 August 2005
5.9.06
After Visiting Alumni Pages
I went to Chinaren Alumni web site on the other day and spent a little time to look into the pages of my uni and high schools. Every place has less visitors from time to time. By reading the comments left by my past classmates, I tried to remember the faces I used to familiar with, some of which are still clear pictures in my head while some others can only be recalled vaguely.
Everytime when I delt with the memories of past, I just couldn't help but be amazed by how much we have changed in years, physically and psychologically. We were childish, naive, simple and even foolish, but what are we now?
Age has always become a sensitive topic since you've grown up. It seems you should not be too surprised these days if you hear someone's worries of getting old when they're reaching 23. Everyone wants to stay young, who doesn't? However, instead of worrying about my age, I prefer to spend more time to learn how to live and how to appreciate living, as I always believe you can be charming at any age if you choose to. Being 18 seems always to attract jealousy as they have endless energy, beautiful skins, time for doing things with no good reasons and so on. But in the meantime, they also don't know when good things come along and don't know how to treasure and appreciate until too late.
In China, we always say God is fair. He places virtue as well as regret on everything including age. You might be able to remove the wrinkles on your face with a successful surgery, but you can't ignore the expressions your eyes deliver, which are filled with the experience and understanding of the life you've been through.
In a word, I always want to say, instead of worrying in front of mirror, let's spend more time to embrace our life because it's unique at each moment we live.
First posted at 30 June 2005
Everytime when I delt with the memories of past, I just couldn't help but be amazed by how much we have changed in years, physically and psychologically. We were childish, naive, simple and even foolish, but what are we now?
Age has always become a sensitive topic since you've grown up. It seems you should not be too surprised these days if you hear someone's worries of getting old when they're reaching 23. Everyone wants to stay young, who doesn't? However, instead of worrying about my age, I prefer to spend more time to learn how to live and how to appreciate living, as I always believe you can be charming at any age if you choose to. Being 18 seems always to attract jealousy as they have endless energy, beautiful skins, time for doing things with no good reasons and so on. But in the meantime, they also don't know when good things come along and don't know how to treasure and appreciate until too late.
In China, we always say God is fair. He places virtue as well as regret on everything including age. You might be able to remove the wrinkles on your face with a successful surgery, but you can't ignore the expressions your eyes deliver, which are filled with the experience and understanding of the life you've been through.
In a word, I always want to say, instead of worrying in front of mirror, let's spend more time to embrace our life because it's unique at each moment we live.
First posted at 30 June 2005
Fight
Life is colourful, sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm angry; a couple's life is more colourful, sometimes we laugh, sometimes we argue, sometimes we hug, sometimes we fight… Just hope the colour of arguing and fighting can be fading…
Yes, we had a fight. Every time we fight, we needs several days to recover, because we love each other and get hurt so much from each other after fight. But why we have to fight???
First Posted at 7 June 2005
Yes, we had a fight. Every time we fight, we needs several days to recover, because we love each other and get hurt so much from each other after fight. But why we have to fight???
First Posted at 7 June 2005
Glasses
I have a pair of glasses, but only wear it on one occasion --- watching movies. (There was another occasion before I finished uni --- looking at white board in lecture, but, thank God, it is not the case anymore.) Last week, my boyfriend and I went to cinema to watch "The Upside of Anger". I didn't take my bag and glasses case, so I had no place to put my glasses before arriving cinema but on my nose! Sitting in the car while he was driving to cinema and looking around through my glasses for 10 seconds, I took them off and said:
"I don't like the world I saw through glasses."
"Why?"
"Because everything is too bloody clear!"
"&%**$#%!&"
…
Another 10 seconds passed, he returned to normal.
(Laughed) "My weird girl, I never ever heard someone saying they don't like glasses because it makes too clear!"
I know he didn't get me, so I explained:
"Without glasses, I see everything nice and natural, not too strong, not too vague. For things nearby, they're clear enough to recognize from one to another; for those in distance, a bit blur gives me rooms for imagination. It's like a piece of art. But with glasses, everything is standing there, small and cold, no imagination and feelings, like letters from copy machine."
I'm still not sure he understood me eventually, but I didn't wear glasses until the movie was on.
First posted at 3 June 2005
"I don't like the world I saw through glasses."
"Why?"
"Because everything is too bloody clear!"
"&%**$#%!&"
…
Another 10 seconds passed, he returned to normal.
(Laughed) "My weird girl, I never ever heard someone saying they don't like glasses because it makes too clear!"
I know he didn't get me, so I explained:
"Without glasses, I see everything nice and natural, not too strong, not too vague. For things nearby, they're clear enough to recognize from one to another; for those in distance, a bit blur gives me rooms for imagination. It's like a piece of art. But with glasses, everything is standing there, small and cold, no imagination and feelings, like letters from copy machine."
I'm still not sure he understood me eventually, but I didn't wear glasses until the movie was on.
First posted at 3 June 2005
Tweety Bird
I don't know why I like tweety birds and when I started liking them, just one day I found myself always stopped by tweety bird's images, no matter what I was doing at that moment, shopping, talking or looking around… then I realised I like tweety birds. Remember an article I read before about a girl describing her boyfriend, she said his face is ordinary in pieces, I mean, he has ordinary eyes, ordinary nose, ordinary mouth, whatever, but once you put everything together, it's just a special pretty face that you can't help but looking at and falling in love with. When I read it, I felt I could 100 percent understand that feeling. Well, I'm not going to say I feel tweety birds in the same way because I'm not a freak, but I guess it's sth similar to explain why I like that yellow cute thing --- I just like it, with no reasons…
First posted at 2 June 2005
First posted at 2 June 2005
Rain
Always want to write something, here and there.
Why do I use this name - rain? No reasons. Maybe because it was the first name I used when I first time touched Internet - a weird unreal world, at where you can talk to people, exchange opinions, even exchange secrets, but you don't have to know who is in another end. Maybe it's just what people need, share experiences and enjoy the moment that you happen to find someone who likes things you like and views the world in the way you do, but you don't need to know he's a priest or a criminal.
I can't say I like rain, because I seem to prefer a sunny day than rains when I get up in the morning. But rain makes me think. I sometimes can't help but think of some things that wouldn't come to my mind in a sunny day when I'm listening rain, such as life, appreciation, romance and etc. So maybe I like rain... Remember in one of my boyfriend's songs, he wrote: "... I like listening rain with you..." When I first time heard him singing it, these few words hit me. Maybe it's the reason why I turn out liking this song so much. I suggested the name "You and Me"...
First posted at 26 May 2005
Why do I use this name - rain? No reasons. Maybe because it was the first name I used when I first time touched Internet - a weird unreal world, at where you can talk to people, exchange opinions, even exchange secrets, but you don't have to know who is in another end. Maybe it's just what people need, share experiences and enjoy the moment that you happen to find someone who likes things you like and views the world in the way you do, but you don't need to know he's a priest or a criminal.
I can't say I like rain, because I seem to prefer a sunny day than rains when I get up in the morning. But rain makes me think. I sometimes can't help but think of some things that wouldn't come to my mind in a sunny day when I'm listening rain, such as life, appreciation, romance and etc. So maybe I like rain... Remember in one of my boyfriend's songs, he wrote: "... I like listening rain with you..." When I first time heard him singing it, these few words hit me. Maybe it's the reason why I turn out liking this song so much. I suggested the name "You and Me"...
First posted at 26 May 2005
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