Ocean

I went to a freind's Space today and found a blog talking about writing at home when you're alone. You put a nice music on and set yourself in a world of your own. You think, you act, you honest face yourself and enjoy some quiet simple relaxing time without interruption. When I read this, I was suddenly grabbed by some old faded feelings that I had when I stayed in my room, listened music and wrote about my mood. Then I realised it was far in the past and that feeling has even been strange to me now. Then I realised more that I miss it a little.

I think it might be normal that you always want something you don't have. When you're single, you want relationship, but when you're in a relationship, sometimes you miss that smaller world of yourself in where you do what you think, then you will be simply happy.

I had a fight with boyfriend yesterday and left home after. I needed to get out that place for a while where has driven me nuts, then I went to beach. I like going to beach and watching ocean at night. The beauty of ocean that is more obvious when sun is shinning delivers a different concept in dark, the concept of mystery maybe. It's the darkness that in turn provides you a room for imagination. In the dark, it is the piles of white waves that seperate ocean and sky. Looking at waves, one after another, just like life, repeating the same content day after day. Listening waves, the sounds when they hit rocks are always different, sometimes soft, sometimes tough, just like the different mood we have when we go though every single day.

Sometimes, I like doing this, sitting on the bench, smelling the ocean, watching the waves dacing on rocks, listening the roaring water and tasting my good or bad mood at that particular moment. If I suddenly look up, I might be able to see a plane flying cross the sky with star-like lights flashing, then my thought would go on the plane and wonder how many lonely hearts on there are going home. If I feel frustrating and lost in life, I would ask myself in front of ocean that should I have a big heart that is the same big as the ocean to comprehend everything?

First posted at 28 September 2005